Crime & Criminals - The Criminal

Let's see. Where should we begin? It all started out really nice and normal. We fell in love, we got married and we had a little baby boy and he was the apple of our eye. Thoughtful single piano notes and sweeping strings evolve into big picture orchestral emotions that swirl around and around until they finally find their way into your inner soul.

4:05 · 108 BPM

Our son grew up in a beautiful Victorian home with a big garden and lots of toys in a nice suburb outside of Pasadena. He was our only child. We noticed quite early on, that we had our hands full with taking care of him. Single note piano lullaby. Simple sentimental waltz.

3:36 · 82 BPM

When did we start noticing that something just wasn't right about him? When he was about 5 or 6 he started having really bad nightmares. And during the day, his sudden mood swings would startle us. One minute he would be very happy and then without warning, the slightest thing could set him off into a violent fit of rage. Innocent wind-up toy chimes evolve into an eerie synth soundscape.

2:05

And then he started getting curious about weird stuff. He would ask us questions like, "How many rocks will I have to throw at the neighbors cat until he's dead?" We would try to act nonchalent and tell him that's not something he should consider doing and leave it at that. On other occasions, he would point his bb gun right at kids in our neighborhood and make it look as though he was about pull the trigger. We took the bb gun away and said that we were upset and disappointed in his behaviour. Unnerving & creepy, going around and around in circles.

1:34 · 125 BPM

The child psychologist thought that his condition may be genetic and started asking alot of questions about our relatives. His mother's sister had been institutionalized with schizophrenia and his grandfather on his father's side killed himself when he was a young man. And there was more... So both sides of his family had some unfavorable DNA. Slowly, scrutinizing piano and far-away sad synths analyze the situation at hand.

2:51 · 84 BPM

We remember asking the doctor if he could prescribe something to stabilize his moods. Things just started getting so bad with him. His moods became more and more unpredictable, changing from one minute to the next. And then came the day when he lashed out at us, he became violent towards his own parents. We didn't have a choice anymore. We had to put him on the meds. Numbing drone.

3:29 · 90 BPM

Anti-depressants can have a positive effect. At first. They blocked out the bad thoughts in his brain, wrapped them all up in a fluffy cloud of white cotton. But when the high would wear off, he said he felt so bad that he wanted to kill himself and everyone around him. So for a long time, we walked on eggshells. The only thought we had was, just don't do anything to set him off. Erratic, delicate & metallic beat that skips, shuffles, snaps and slides with scratched vinyl, shakers, piano & sound design that sounds like walking on egg shells.

1:34 · 125 BPM

But when you sleep all day in a drug induced half-coma, the night comes on with a vengeance and all of the demons and strange faces they told you were only in your imagination become so real that sleep is something you can only dream about. Scary synth soundscape & haunted house pipe organ with unsettling steady knocking.

2:47 · 75 BPM

And then came the day when he found out that his nurse Rose, with whom he had been helplessly in love with, had a boyfriend. His despair at having discovered Rose's beau picking her up after the nightshift destroyed the little bit of hope he had left for his life. In that instant, everything inside of him died. He watched them kiss and drive away in his car and the next time she came into his room, he noticed her engagement ring. She had been the only one who had ever listened to him and he thought she understood him. Slow & meaningful piano, asking questions and searching for answers. Deeply melancholic and very beautiful. Big love torn apart by a broken heart. Emotional build @ 1:18 with percussion.

4:16 · 100 BPM

His condition went from bad to worse. So when his nurse Rose pays her visit as usual, he sits up in his bed but sees someone else. For the first time, he sees Rose for what she really is - just another man's girl. And now he knows for certain that they will never be. And her appearance had been the only thing left that had made him happy for a few minutes a day. A slow, thoughtful and filled with regret piano. Wishing it was the day before yesterday.

3:30

Ever since he stopped waiting for her visit, the days seemed disproportionately long and filled to the rim with endless sorrow. He no longer knows what day or month or year it is. Does it even really matter anyway? Solemn, sad piano with weeping strings and unnerving scrachy sound effects.

4:07 · 60 BPM

During the first few weeks of his stay, his parents would visit him alot and even some of the people he knew from school came by to see how he was doing. There came a day though, when he decided he didn't want to talk to anyone anymore. So the next time they showed up, he started tearing the place apart to make it clear that they should stop coming. For a while he was glad to be rid of all of them and the solemn looks on their faces, but every so often he would just miss his Mom's voice and remember her softly singing him to sleep when he was a little boy. Slow and solemn piano, electronic sounddesign with female vocals.

2:55 · 62 BPM

Feeling more lost, disoriented and confused about himself and who he is or isn't and why every interest he may or may not ever have had just never went anywhere and why he doesn't care about anything anymore. When and why did he stop thinking about anything which may have been interesting or useful in any kind of way? Has he literally lost his mind? Slow and thoughtful piano with eerie metallic sounddesign.

3:32 · 80 BPM

Something has changed and he's feeling better than he has in a really long time. Maybe that's because Spring has just sprung right outside his window. He can hear the birds chirping and notices the trees and flowers blossoming in the hospital park. He will make an attempt at taking a walk outside for some fresh air and maybe, just maybe, he can stay this way and be a little content for a while or at the very least, for today. Hopeful, optimistic piano. A new beginning.

3:05 · 76 BPM

Another setback and his darkest mood comes down on him and hits him like a ton of bricks. He's paralyzed with the fear that his own mind isn't playing any tricks on him anymore but that this is the real deal. He has no control of what's going on in his head at all. His mind and his feelings simply running amok. Slow, resolute and very sad piano with metallic sounddesign.

2:56

Why did he ever let them talk him into taking a daytrip back to his parent's house? Or to be more precise, what used to be his parent's house. Now it was just his Mom who lived there and that made it even worse. The memories of a broken marriage held together for so long by no more than the fear of what would come to be when it was really over. Spellbinding, sentimental piano.

3:28 · 70 BPM

The uncontrollable flow of memories flood his eyes with bitter tears. He remembered that dreaded talk with Mom and Dad had been the last course of his dinner. And it didn't sit well in his stomach. It's for the best they said, we're just not good for eachother anymore. But you're older now, so we know you'll understand. Heartbreaking, sad piano. A broken family.

4:22 · 60 BPM

He thought about all of the good times they had when they were a family. He thought about his parents laughing together and enjoying each other's company. He thought and he thought and he thought and then they took him to a therapist and he talked and he talked and he talked. Heartbroken piano wondering what could have been if his family had just stayed together.

3:26

Hopelessness and despair pave the way for more sedatives. They make him numb for the most part, but he thinks they may actually be the cause of his brain starting to play tricks on him. Why is everyone against him? What are they plotting behind his back? He closes the door, pulls down the blinds and lies awake in the darkness of his room. Drug induced synthetic drone.

2:21

Why did they insist on letting him out for a few days? And now their lives will never be the same. They ask themselves, why did our sweet little boy murder an innocent young nurse? How can we continue to live in the same town where he killed a woman in cold blood? And they know that the neighbors are pointing their fingers at them behind their backs because they don't have the guts to say it to their face. They think it's their fault. They think that pretty girl's life should also be on their conscience because they raised a killer. They see it in their eyes. Can their lives get any worse than this? Questioning piano.

3:23

Towards the end of April it started to rain and didn't stop for what seemed to him like two weeks. Pelting against his window at the institution and running down the pane, making the outside world just as blurry as his mind was feeling inside. Sad & gentle electric piano in the rain.

2:47 · 80 BPM